Positivity

The last 2 weeks have been about me trying to get the better of my recent negativity.

I'm not normally a negative person. My family used to joke that I was so laid back I was horizontal, and that it took a lot to wind me up and get me into a state.

Not so much the case anymore. Maybe it's an age thing?!

Or maybe it's just due to such a big change in my life from the last few years, and it's not a change I'd really planned for. Most of my life has had direction and a purpose - I always knew where I was going next. At school, I knew to work hard, get good grades then go to Uni. At Uni my goal was my year abroad in the States, followed by getting a degree to be proud of.

After Uni, get a job. Done. After getting job, have a few years of having fun with the money.

Then the goal became travelling and so I saved and planned.

Now we're back. And I've felt like I don't know where I'm heading. I've spent the last month or so just feeling so lost and it's not really like me.

And I haven't been dealing with it very well!

More tears and ups and downs have been the past 2 weeks. Getting to grips with my new job, taking in some exercise, spending time with the boy and friends, and trying not to fall out too badly with my parents etc etc!

There have been some highlights though...

Visiting Clevedon last Saturday

Beautiful winter sunsets

Stunning Cotswold village - Bourton-on-the-water

Windy day!

I have to learn to be a bit more patient with the speed at which things are moving. Eventually Sam & I will move out from the parents and be back in a place of our own again. Quite rightly Sam wants a few months worth of wages behind us before we move anywhere. I have also come to the conclusion that I'm ok with waiting for the right (note right, not perfect!) job to come along. I'm in touch with a recruitment consultant, but I'm not in desperate need of finding something right now, given that I already have something so it means I can be a bit more choosy with what I go for. 

Things will get better, of that I'm pretty positive ;)

xxx

A strange old week

Tomorrow I will start a new job. The one I didn't get. The person who did get it declined to take up the offer hence me getting a call on Tuesday. After some thinking time I figured I should take it, I need to start earning some money and even though I'm not totally convinced it's 'the job' for me, in this current climate I'm not going to turn down a wage.

My mood at the moment is pretty, for want of a better word, 'dulled'. Wednesday evening and Thursday were awful, I had a complete breakdown and after an argument with another driver, completely broke down in a car park and cried those unstoppable, huge, sobbing tears that only come along once in a while. 

I cried on and off all day and after a chat with my family I feel the better for it. I think I'd been trying to be so positive about the fact that we were back I'd been masking my emotions. Even though my head knows we were right to return, my heart still hasn't got the message, and is hankering for an ideal still of what should have been. Sometimes you need that good cry, but it means that now I'm feeling neither hugely positive or negative. I'm sort of indifferent. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not!

On the weight front, I've gained 2lbs this week. It's due to the fact that I've slowed down my rate of loss, as I've come in under calories everyday this week, have eaten on average around 1800kcals a day and I've exercised 4 times this week. 

Monday night I went to Step Aerobics, Tuesday was Zumba, Wednesday was Body Combat and this morning I drove over to Cheltenham to do an outside Boot Camp class at Montpellier park with my sister. All good fun. I've definitely needed the exercise this week, God knows where I would have been emotionally without it!

So even though I've gained I'm ok with it. As the blog title says this is a journey. And it's going to be a long one! The weight didn't go on overnight so it won't come off overnight. There's going to be ups and downs to it. The fact is I'm eating less and exercising more, so eventually, it's going to happen! 

The good news is...

Sam has got a job. He starts tomorrow :-)

The bad news is that I haven't :-(

Unfortunately I did not get the job I interviewed for on Thursday. Apparently I interviewed well, but the other candidates were stronger. I felt the interview had gone well, and I'd shortlisted from 45 candidates which I'm pleased with, but sadly it was not to be.

However, I'm remaining positive! I have another interview lined up for 19th January and I'm still applying for other positions so I'm sure something will come up.

Food wise, I've come in over my calorie allowance 5 out of the last 7 days. I've not gone over by huge amounts, and I'm still showing a loss on the scales, but I've decided to slow down my rate of loss to 1lb per week. This is much more manageable and stops me feeling like a bit of a failure. The important part is that I'm losing. That's the trend that I want to continue.

On the exercise front, I went to an aerobics class on Thursday night, my first for a while, demonstrated by my complete lack of co-ordination!

Today I took a drive up to Haresfield Beacon and had a short walk through the woods. I needed the fresh air and some time on my own to think. I think I chose the perfect spot...

It was certainly needed! I'm not my normal happy self at the moment, I yearn for some routine back in my life! I think back to last year when I was working and how I used to wish the days away until I had holiday, I never thought I'd be the girl itching to work! Funny how things change...

A trip to the cafe

Breakfast
Jordan's Jumbo Oats with skimmed milk, Apple & Cinnamon (pictured)

Boiled Egg
Cup of Tea made with skimmed milk

Lunch

Jacket Potato with Tuna Mayonnaise and side salad without dressing
Hot Chocolate

Dinner
M&S Haddock with baked beans
Weight Watchers Dessert

Snacks

4 x Tea with skimmed milk
2 pints water
Fairy Cake

Exercise

Another jog/walk - 19 minutes jogging this time (and 2 hills!)

Stats for the day

Daily calorie allowance - 1604
Exercise calories earned - 178
Total calorie allowance - 1782
Calories consumed - 1911
Calories over quota - 129
Calories to maintain current weight - 2604
Fruit & Veg portions - 5.3

Thoughts on the day

I'm feeling pleased with today. I went out for an unexpected lunch with my sister and boyfriend to a lovely cafe just down the road in Saul (http://www.thestablescafe.co.uk/index.html) which could have been disastrous. I went last Wednesday with my best friend having not seen her for over 3 months and enjoyed a chicken, mozzarella and pesto panini with quite a large bowl of chips on the side and a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows.

Now I'm not saying it was bad, it was bloody lovely, but today's choices were a smidge healthier. I still had a hot chocolate (I think allowing myself a little 'treat' once a day will help to keep me on track) but this time without the cream and marshmallows. I also had a jacket potato instead of a bread based lunch & chips!

I also went out on another small jog which I'm also pleased with. Another 2km. I know it doesn't look like much and it certainly wasn't fast but it's better than doing nothing. And with the hills I did feel like I'd done something. I'm still a far cry away however from the girl who did the Bristol 10k last May but I'll get there.

The eagle eyed amongst you may have noticed that my calorie allowance has gone up slightly, but this is due to having put on a few lbs over the New Year period. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I'm still on track for what I want to achieve this year.

Tomorrow will be another 'test' day. I'm meeting some friends for coffee in the afternoon followed by dinner in the evening. We've yet to decide where we'll be going but I'm going to make a special effort to choose wisely in my food choices wherever we end. If I go over my calories, so be it, but there's going over by a small amount that you can make up for with exercise later, and going over in the 'sod it I'm out for dinner I'll have 3 courses' amount, that comes in at 1000kcals over and buggers you up for the rest of the week. I'm aiming for the former.

In other news, I'm still waiting to hear from the insurance company, but Sam has two interviews lined up for this week. A second interview at the place he interviewed at before Christmas on Friday, and a first interview on Thursday for a company in the Gloucestershire area. We're extremely excited about both options :) Here's hoping I get some news tomorrow since people will be back to work after the bank holiday.

Fingers crossed!

Happy New Year

Soooo glad that NYE is done! It's not my favourite time of the year, I dislike the forced revelry, the £20 it costs to get into your local pub, and the way it forces you to look back at the old year. As mentioned, our plans didn't work out quite as we expected them to with regards to our trip away, and whilst we had an amazing time and the decision was correct to come home, seeing the fireworks over Sydney Harbour Bridge and knowing that this time last year we thought we were going to be there to see it was a bittersweet pill to swallow.

However, it's a new year, and as soon as it hit midnight and the fireworks began after Big Ben's chimes, I immediately felt more positive than I have done for the past few weeks since returning. It's so cliche but it is a new start, and especially given our current situation, a complete blank canvass. I genuinely have no plans for this year. No bridesmaids fittings to get myself in a tis about, no holiday plans, I mean, I don't even know what sort of income I'm going to be getting this year so I cannot even plan where to live! (This doesn't stop me researching though..."oh hello Rightmove", heh heh). I am content to just see what the year brings me, to leave last year behind and concentrate on the future.

This isn't to say I don't have some goals for the year. Obviously the biggest one being to lose weight, which has already been discussed. Before we left Australia Sam and I made a list of joint and individual goals for the year. It was important to us both that we took something from our experience away and our reasons for going in the first place. We didn't want to feel like we hadn't learnt anything. In hindsight this was ridiculous because we'd learnt an incredible amount about other cultures, history, and each other. Nevertheless we wanted to make sure that we put our all into 2012, and did the basics to keep ourselves happy, and not feeling like we were just existing like we did before.

Therefore, a very colourful document was created called "Sam and Trudie's 2012 goals" (catchy title right?!). Here are some of those goals for the year ahead:

·     To spend one day a weekend on outdoor activities (exercise)

·     Save enough money in separate accounts to spend on personal items, or to keep current accounts healthy.

·     To each undertake an educational course (night school)

·     To undertake a form of exercise at least twice a week 

·     To eat more cleanly.

I also have another, which is to use Facebook less. It's not always the best use of my time, and definitely not healthy to keep comparing yourself to others, and misinterpreting what people say  and mean. I want to put less of my life on there, which I know is ironic given how I'm putting a lot of it on this blog. But anyone who reads this (if there even is anyone!), doesn't know me in 'real' life, and I can put myself out there without feeling judged.

All in all then, I'm feeling pretty positive. Sam has got a second interview on Friday which we're very hopeful about, and I had a good chat with my mum this morning about some issues that were bothering me and I feel the air has been cleared a bit which is always healthy.

Speaking of healthy, I went for a jog-walk this morning! Only 20 minutes, 17 jogging (including 2 hills!) and 3 minutes walking. According to WLR I've earned 172 calories from it, and it got me out in the fresh air.

I came home and enjoyed some jumbo oats with skimmed milk and cinnamon, followed by a boiled egg. It's Sunday Roast day over here and we've got some pork so I'm looking forward to that, but in line with my 2012 goal I shall be passing on dessert, instead opting for an Apple.

I may post later today about how I've got on.

Here's to 2012!!!